Have you ever felt like you just don't fit in? Wondered where your place is in this world? Like you are just a bit different than everyone else around you? It could be that you have different interests, values, physical traits, emotional/mental traits or even outlooks on life.
People like to feel like we understand. We like to observe, categorize, group, sort and create "boxes" or categories to identify the "average" scenarios. Where there are things that don't fall inside these boxes, they are viewed as strange or abnormal. In society, we have created a lot of "boxes"...general expectations of what is "right" and "normal". The problem with this is that not everything fits into those boxes or categories. There are always going to be "anomalies"...perfectly imperfect people who dare to be different!
I am an "anomaly"; I don't fit in most of society's boxes, rarely have and it is likely that I rarely will. Over the years, I've come to realize that it's ok because it feels right in my heart. Can you relate?
- I tried to be "my hubby's woman" - I recall turning 18 and being told that I should get in the kitchen to learn how to cook and be a good woman…I nearly fell over; this was foreign to me. I tried sitting inside with the girls drinking coffee, chatting and watching the boys as they played, laughed and did things outside; doing the things that I loved most - spending time in the garage, playing on the snowmobiles and quads. Sitting on the sidelines was SO not what I was about. I was like that little kid with their face squished up against the glass wishing I could come out to play.
- I tried to be the office person who did my best at a job that didn't bring me satisfaction, but brought in an income. I can assure you that life is way too short to spend that many hours per day not doing something that you love.
- I never felt the strong need to get married…even though I did after 12 years together with my husband. But I certainly never felt the need to do it right when we got together like so many people pushed us to do. In fact, the harder they pushed, the harder I resisted.
- I never felt the strong tug at my soul/desire to have children of my own. Don’t get me wrong, I adore children, but for SO many reasons, I’m not interested in procreating. Again, the harder people pushed, the more I resisted.
- I never felt right settling into the typical "woman's role" where I would be in the kitchen, raising kids, etc. I have short hair, am a bit of a tomboy - you may be thinking "this woman must be lesbian". I'm not, but I am me and I am content with me.
- Let me be clear: If you are happy in a more "traditional woman role" in your life, then that is awesome and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I applaud and respect you for the hard work you do and the great job! It's simply not who I am; my husband can attest that I'm a bit of a disaster in the kitchen and we have divided up the garage space so that we can both be happy. I was raised on a farm where I spent most of my days with my Dad or my sister as my Mom worked shifts. This meant that the majority of my childhood was spent in the garage/shop, on the farm equipment, running around our property on our quad, playing outside and enjoying nature. I baked a bit, that was it.
Does that mean that I don't love spending time with my girlfriends catching up over coffee? Absolutely not; I adore catching up with my girlfriends. To correct the imbalance in my life, I allowed myself to do the things that my soul was screaming out for. I went out quadding even if other girls weren't. On a great snow-day, there was no way I was staying in; I headed out on my snowmobile or played a game of pond hockey even if I wasn't very good. I found a way to honour me by doing the things that I wanted and still make fun time with my friends who weren't into those things. The awesome side-effect was that this inspired many of my girlfriends to try things that they wouldn't have otherwise. 🙂